Hi Jack.
I am so impressed with how well you have been working throughout the term on your writing.  Your narrative story has a clear beginning, middle and end and is full of action along the way!  It is great to see you incorporate your enjoyment of computers into your story.  I particularly like the way you have used a lot of computer jargon within your story.  Your effort using Garageband is fantastic - you have recorded your voice clearly, and used a variety of vocal changes and sound effects to add more depth to your story.  Well done Jack!
Katie.